To Know or Not to Know

September 20, 2007:

"All of these lines across my face Tell you the story of who I am So many stories of where I've been And how I got to where I am But these stories don't mean anything When you've got no one to tell them to...."

It struck me, as I was listening to this song, that there is so much depth to one person, so much history, and yet, so very little known. It seems we only learn about one anothers stories through trivial situations or those occassional late-night conversations that tend to highlight one's querky habits and humiliations. But these are so rare that they tend to only reveal an eighth of a persons life. So what happens when you want to know more or say more? Just speak up and start talking? I do not believe this to be that easy. You need the right pair of ears to hear you. You need to meet the right story-teller. Not everyone is going to want to listen to the story of how you danced in the yard as a kid or prefer to watch the weather channel when you travel. We have these unique stories that we all carry and I do believe it is a matter of meeting the right person before we share. But how do we know when we have met that right person, and when we do, how do we keep them around and make them want to know more?

Sometimes I fear I will never be able to tell the whole story. Maybe fear is not the right word because a large part of me revels in the ability to remain low-key with an air of mystery. It's like the feeling of moving without being noticed. And when I'm ready to be noticed, I just look up or open my mouth. I guess my fear, more often than not, lies in the fact that I think I know who I want to tell my stories to, but I feel they do not want to listen. Which, if you know what I am speaking of, feels like your stomach is going to twist itself to oblivion. Not a happy feeling. Then there are the obvious on-lookers who want to hear your story, but only so they can then hear themselves talk. You know, those ones who start conversations, ask you about certain situations in your life, only so they can manipulate the conversation and direct it back at themselves. Though I am always amused at this maneuver, I find it irritatingly annoying at the same time. If only I could have a few more moments with that one person, then maybe I could speak up more and make them a believer in me.

I also believe that story-tellers are the most creative people in the world. They have the ability to see life from many angles and bring a unique aspect to each and every situation. And to tell a good story, you have to be real. To tell a lie is not telling a story, that's just awful. A good story-teller will tell the truth about themselves but in a beautiful manner. You become engaged in the story, seeing the details and images appear in your mind, feeling the emotions being spoken. Even the simplest and uneventful situations can become a work of art.

With that being said.... I guess my narrowed thought process on this whole subject is this: as I believe in life we are meant to be with many people, is it true to say we are meant to tell our stories to many people? And if this is true, why is it so hard to speak to those around when you only want to speak to one person? Does this then mean that maybe, just maybe, we are really only meant for one person?

"All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you
You see the smile that's on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through but you do
And I was made for you... "