Coffee at Noon

Odd weekend. Over coffee I analyze the past 72 hours. In stupidity I kick myself for particular actions and wish for a do-over.

Listen up, people. There are certain, normal, ways to go about handling things. And then there are certain, abnormal, horrible, truly despicable, ways to handle things. I prefer the proper way. I prefer the open and honest approach. I can only imagine other people would prefer the proper approach as well. But apparently, no, people actually like to use the horrible and despicable method. I guess it's way cool to treat people like garbage instead of treating them like a human. Or, even better, to treat someone the way you would want to be treated: that method is dead. Except in my head.

Let's not be nice and then be shitty two minutes later. Let's try and agree to disagree and be totally nice all the time, or totally shitty. Either one, the choice is yours. It certainly is not mine.

And when you want to talk, I'll talk. But don't blame me if you feel uncomfortable. If you wish me to hush, say hush yo face! Trust me, I won't be hurt. In fact, I might appreciate it more if I was told to hush because, then, 1) things would not blow up in my face; 2) I would not feel like a fool; and 3) I would save a lot of wasted time on a stupidly pathetic attempt at life. Ha.

My incredulous readers, skeptical of all quirks to life... throw another coin in the pond and wish for something fantastical. Because this past weekend blew donkey balls and my only hope is a beautiful concert tonight with good company. The company of last week can suck it - like the coin I threw in that dirty pond water.

It's Monday. It's a new day. And by the way, get over yourself.

An Ode To You

Bat those blue eyes and cause everyone to fall at your whim,
Smile and laugh and everyone seems to adore you,
You put out your hand and many hold tight,
You play the cards with high aces
And seem to always win.

Stand tall with pride, your book smarts and wise ideas,
You communicate with style and everyone wants to listen,
You pay for the drink and the gamble
And walk away with the prize, every time.

With sway and small talk,
And an overwhelming personality,
You sweep away the lovely as if to promise forever,
but only give about... an hour.

I'd rather take away your mask
Maybe to show a desperation unlike any known,
To show your inability to properly give
As you have improperly taken so many times over.

I'm taking you off the mantle and putting you in a small box,
I'd rather not know anymore or to question your truth,
I'll take those happy memories of your famous smile,
And tuck them away, for good.

I'm sure you will keep your sway and your charm,
You will keep your behavior of taking and not giving,
But I am choosing to let go
To walk away
To tell you you could be amazing
But I'm too smart for your game
So try again when you are wise
We'll see what happens, if and when...

oh reallllly

I think some people take themselves too seriously sometimes. It's that or they think their life is worse than everyone's even though half their issues are more fixable than most. Please tell me how you just want to be alone because you have such deep-rooted issues on your plate. Please tell me to have some sympathy for you... please!

Maybe my tolerance level has decreased (or increased?) to the point where I just don't give two cents anymore. I just believe that our lives here are NOT as bad as they could be. Yes we are undergoing some economic turmoil and some of us have houses that will not rent or sell. But, last I saw, people were still going to work, still buying gas, still buying "stuff" and still living and breathing. We don't have it as bad as others. We have roofs over our heads and, most often, pretty decent food to eat. Even my cool-ass friend K, who makes money but not a doctors salary, can eat well and maybe even better than others who DO make a doctors salary. You know those countries over seas? where many barely make a 1$ a day? Yeah - they have room to complain and be sad and sit alone and think about their life. We have a lot to be grateful for..... and when you bitch to me about your pathetic life (or what I see is a lack-thereof) I just wish you would shove it.

And also..... when you say you are single, shouldn't you be so, entirely? Shouldn't you worry NOT about the ex's in your life and more about the future potentials? See I don't understand this.... why put a guilt trip on someone when they are single and make them feel bad for trying to find happiness? Let's take a deeper look at this...

Urbandictionary.com relates "single" as:
"it means that you are alone not lonley[sic]"
"the best damn feeling in the world! Independent & free!"
"When you are currently not in a relationship with a significant other."
And the best:
"A relationship status that is usually associated with the euphoria of being off your ol' biatch's leash. For men, it means that you can finally hang out with your friends again. For women, it means that you can stop pretending that you don't secretly want Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom inside of you at the same time."

Now my dear readers, do you think that when people are single they should be in fear of meeting people? That they should be scared to see the scenery because another single person (who may be a best friend, an ex-girlfriend, an ex-boyfriend, an ex anything or parent) guilt trips them into feeling that they should not seek happy playful waters because they are supposed to be with someone else (even though they are not 100% satisfied?) This is where I get incredibly confused.

What happened to.... you're single, go seek happiness!!! you're single and you have no one in your 10 mile radius making you happy so go make yourself happy. What happened to that?? I hear stories about people being tied, but not-so tied, and not being able (or freed) to get out and have fun because of...... you name it. Why?

Indeed Friday is a day of pondering. So ponder all the wisdom poured out in this blog and get back to me with your reactions. I'm determined to find out what is going on in the minds of people in society. Make it witty or make it serious - but declare your answer. I am curious....

You know those times...

When you realize you have been stupid all along? Like you are kicked in the stomach by your own will, finally realizing your foolishness? Fucking hate times like that.

Like when I thought everything was kosher and I decided to be nice. But why?? Thinking the niceness would come back to me, I guess. Errrr. Wrong. I give people multiple chances in life because I feel that one time failing is not enough to kick you out of my life. Twice failing, maybe. But I'll still give you another chance. I run into an issue when I'm nice... I give when you ask, I go above and beyond because I think it would benefit you (lord knows, an article of such nature would NOT benefit me) and yet right now, right this moment, I don't feel you deserve it. Two days ago I would have said you deserved a fucking gold platter. I would have said you deserve so much... and I would have given you buckets of coins if I could. But today, not so much. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to do good with you. I'm tired of you never saying thank you. I'm so tired of giving in to you and being nice.... only to realize, I'm such a fucking idiot. Because if you really wanted that from me, I would not have to wonder, I would know without a doubt. And maybe, even more so, if you wanted my continued kindness, you wouldn't hide and you'd tell me so, personally. And if that happened, maybe I would continue to make a huge effort on your behalf because that's what I do... I give. Out of the bottom of my heart, I give, with the only exception that I receive kindness in return. I'm not one to expect "things" or anything of that nature - simple kindness in return. I guess that's too much to ask?

Or like those times when you think you are doing the right thing and it turns out... you're just doing the wrong thing? I fight a lot of things in my life. And I tend to fight the good things over the bad things - and I know this is a little backwards. I fight them without realizing it until I feel that nasty kick in the ass.... and I'm on the ground looking up wondering WTF? Of course. I then realize why I'm on the ground staring at the clouds with birds spinning over my head. I was fighting something good and really, I should have just been accepting it. Ah, life, how wonderfully mind-fucking and twisted it is.

I could continue with these examples of life but let's face it... I think we all have moments where we are kicked in the stomach and left wondering why. The thing that boggles my mind though is... why? Why do people in your life whom you are nice to, why do they do it to you? Why are people blind to kindness thrown at them? Or even better, why are people okay to take and take and just can't say thank you? Grow up and be mature about it - you fucking hide behind rocks and trust me, the niceness will go away forever, I promise.

Laying them down, brick by brick
Building my wall and bracing my fall.
I am never content nor fully satisfied
Iam always quick to turn around and wait.
I build my wall as if to protect
Only to realize it protects not and simply heightens the risk.
When the happy seems in reach,
When the satisfaction is around,
When everything seems prepared to move forward,
The unexpected walks in, grabs my heart, throws me to the ground and leaves me waiting.
So I lay more bricks to fortify my wall,
Expecting another blow that could leave me wondering...
If only that which I want would want me back,
If only the wrenches never tried to losen my grasp,
If only the wall protected insted of allowing me to falter and wish only for darkness instead.