So prevalent in our world, this term "definition" as if we are to define every ounce of our persona to the world. Why did I choose to drink water over wine? Define my being in a matter of two seconds in order to prove I can be of value. I do not understand this principle that so many follow. I am my own person in my own world and do not necessarily feel that all facets of life need to be defined. Explain yourself or else I will judge you. Explain myself not because I do not feel the need to explain what I rightfully feel is in my best interest. I act in a manner to not harm others, I am respectful of ones heart and emotions and use my mouth to transfer my thoughts to an understanding level. You cannot comprehend? Then you did not hear me. I see no need to follow on the same path as every other soul. I see no need to evolve a relationship in the same rudamentary procedure as all other relationships. I live and breathe my own relationships and they evolve with my voice heard. If I do not feel that I have the capacity, do not think wrongly of me, at least I am being honest. I would rather say no and be judged, because judging is what others do best, than to say yes and hurt a heart. My eyes dart to many locations, they focus not on one sole entity. I am true and pure, and honest towards my heart, but that does not mean my feet are in the same location as everyone would assume. You may not understand and you may judge me harshly - but you do not live in my shoes and you do not know my feelings.
A glimpse into my mind may scare a few - it is scattered and still searching, searching for the right time, the right place, the right method. I cannot help but feel the way that I do - I am a human with emotions and I do my best to play them in a positive light. I do not feel it necessary to shut down and become numb, I want to be free and open and enjoy my moments with carefree ease. But the tugging in my mind, the glances and comments, can burn a person to the ground and make them feel like running away. I will not run away - I will make others deal. I live for me, not them, and to judge me would be wrong - I do not judge you.
As I struggle in this moment I crave so badly for some peace in my mind. I do not want to feel guilty for my actions, and I wish people would understand. It is not intentional, it is me. If that is not what you want, then you walk away. I am tired of bending for others - I want them to bend for me. I am not the usual and refuse to bow down to some normal bullshit standard - what I portray is what I feel to be correct. Do not make me feel bad for making my life better.
