There is this thing that has influenced my life lately that, if I ever were to really admit it, I might be incredibly embarassed. But I won't forget the feeling it engraved upon me - that I wanted to be there - that is my goal. And since the inception of this feeling, it's all I can think about. I just want to be there. And I was there, for a brief moment, and I loved every minute. I felt so relaxed, so at home, so comfortable. Maybe even more comfortable than I feel here in the place that I once thought could be home. How is it possible that in a moment you can feel like you are getting yourself to a place you feel could be home, and in the first few minutes you really do feel like it could be home.... but it turns out, its not? This one of the most difficult and confusing concepts I have had to deal with - thinking I wanted something, obtaining it, and finding out that it really is not what I want. The time frame is not as long as one might think - or at least not me, anyways. This has all happened in less than a year and it has totally thrown me off balance. Here I sit in a place that is not my own with things around me that I don't own. And where do I crave to be? In a place I was a month ago - just there - being.
I feel like once I get to my destination I might have some more to do in life, more to see, and more people to meet. Granted I could be thinking these things and witness the same pattern I just experienced - thinking I want something, doing it, and realizing it's just not right. But this feels different. This has a different pull. This evokes a different emotion: its a darkness with a lot of illumination; it makes me smile - a smile of pure bliss; I can hear Tiesto in the background and I'm dancing to "Malibu". I want that. I need to get there. Soon.
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