1am Awareness

I believe in the idea of Karma but I feel it's hard to achieve or make happen. I would like to think that all bad doers have bad things happen to them at some point but I know life is much more complicated than that.

So I more aptly turn to the idea that happiness is monumental and that is the only thing I can control. I do not need a body to make me happy I need my own blood pumping heart and I need it to wear a smile. I'm declaring war on all the bad things in my vicinity and proclaming victory to my personal space. I no longer wish to attend to events where I am not seen as I truly am or where a false pretense is washed over me and I'm masked as an idiot. If you choose to not see me then I choose to not see you, literally. I will close my eyes to those around me who feel they are better than the world and feel they only need the perspective of their one-track mind and one-track heart.

My life was meant to be lived with my eyes wide open - and not just to the world but to my personal space as well. I lost track of watching out for my personal space and now I must nurse the bruises and bumps and kick the addiction that lingers. It may be tough but I know with time and many smiles, I will heal and feel whole again.

My goals are growing and I'm never to forget to set goals for my soul. Caught up in the physicalness of everything one must remember to satisfy the soul - it drives the heart and guides the mind. When once I threw everything at a living being I'm now choosing to throw it upon myself. I cannot walk in line with another person who does not accept me for who I am - so I strip them of knowing me. It's the greatest pain I can inflict for all the pain inflicted upon me. And i work diligently to rebuild myself, rewire my brain and patch up my heart. I've declared war upon all that is bad and I choose freedom from bullshit.

I win. I always win. I am more wise than you'll ever be and my talents far outweigh yours as I include the talents of my heart - which knows how to dance an unselfish dance. It's an important concept to learn but I've mastered it. I'm done being kicked and pushed down and criticized. Your words are meaniningless so point them at someone else. My gaze will point elsewhere and I walk away from this with my head high learning more about those things which I don't need. Thank you for teaching me that lesson and for reminding me to never give up on myself. I come first, always. I win.