August 23, 2007

[snippet]

The wind blew through my hair like a boy who softly kisses your neck. It was a breeze that brought tingles to my fingertips. I pulled the cuffs of my sleeves over my hands for warmth. My legs were naked except the skirt that grazed on my thighs as the wind blew by. The sky was grey and the moon was soon to glow above my head. My feet stood still in the sand, staring out across the midnight blue sea, the waves rolling gently, harmoniously, as night crept forward. To be here alone, on a night like this , I thought, perfection with a bit of sadness. Pictures flooded my mind and my reaction was to close my eyes. For a brief moment the face came in to focus and all I saw were the deep green eyes peering into mine. For a brief moment the only feeling that overwhelmed my body was blissful pleasure. I opened my eyes and sat gently into the sand. My body was tired, it was exhausted, and my limbs wanted only to stop the forward motion. I laid my head back into the sand and gazed at the stars above. One finger extended from the cuff of my sleeve and I played my version of connect-the-dots with the shimmering lights above.

The wind calmed down to almost non-existent. I stretched my legs out and laid in the sand, my body as still as the cool air that surrounded me. The waves crashed in succession, keeping a beat for my mind to remain steady and calm. My heart felt relaxed enough to pull away from the hurt and pain experienced in the hours before I came upon the beach. My body felt calm from the anxiety that rose only a short time ago as the one who carried hope fell wastefully to the ground in dishonor and disrespect.

This evening was to be a musical enjoyment for the bright minds of the bay area. A gathering of intellectuals who enjoy the likes of Rand and Rushdie, coffee and wine, liberal thoughts and comedic duos. We raised our noses at no one and kept our wealth out of material view. My dress was simple: a soft fabric that flattered the slender and tall. My cheeks held a glow as i walked hand in hand with the boy who had the most magnificent green eyes. Our late arrival was normal procedure for all attending. The music only began minutes before we arrived, we knew our timing was perfect. The DJ spun the sounds of Bliss, Tosca and Groovecatcher. Our bodies moved with great pleasure. The mix of souls moved like the water that surrounded our world. We moved together in rhythmic beauty, aware only of the beat that made us close our eyes, feel the sound rise from the ground and into our minds. Caught in a moment I did not realize, the green eyes had vanished from my presence. When I came out of my music trance, I looked around, standing still in the crowd of moving bodies, and saw nothing but movement. The green eyes had disappeared and immediately I felt my heart sink. This moment had happened once before: he's left me once more, I thought to myself.

I gathered my thoughts and began moving through the sea of bodies. The DJ kept spinning the beats that entranced the wise minds. The place was like an old warehouse restored with modern walls but maintaining the raw edges of exposed brick, huge tubes of metal creating mazes on the ceiling thirty feet in the sky. I came to the darkened entry way of the building, the cherry wood bar that spanned across the west wall, allowed the thirsty crowd to spill into the doorway, blocking those coming in, and those dying to escape. I pushed through and my nose tickled from the musk and sweet scents wrapping around bodies who attempted to bathe in their perfume for a purpose I never could pin-point.

Once outside, I looked in the direction of the beach and saw the black metal sleek with feminine curves but exposing aggression at each angle. My bike sat parked in the same location as when we arrived. But the second helmet had disappeared. I walked slowly up to the cold frame that greeted me with stillness, I saw a white card. I read the words that were scrawled upon the paper. I threw the paper to the ground and felt only the need to flee the scene.

Counting the stars in the sky, I realized the moon had moved quite a distance since I first became relaxed in the sand. In the moment that overtook me with a startle, I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks but no sobs left my lips. My hands laid at my sides, my fingers feeling the small grains of sand. I could not move, my muscles refused to respond to the demand to get up and surrender the night. I felt I had to stay, to redeem my freedom, to let the dark thoughts escape my mind and be replaced by the splendor of the moon.

In the morning my eyes watched the sunrise from the deck above the cliffs. The ocean below looked rested and ready for a beautiful day. My hair a mess, my eyes blurred and ready for sleep, watching golden rays peak above the deep blue horizon. I've discarded that stupid note, like you've discarded me, good riddance and farewell....