But in the meantime. . .

I lay awake and wonder why this very situation is happening again. Why i feel not good enough or worth it. Why i feel its me even though nothing has been said to make that statement true. So my thoughts shift and i try and think the positive. . . And my stomach is in knots. I fear distance. Im scared to be without because what happens when i cant do it? And the distance. . . What if it makes things falter and break? I have little positive at the moment. I know i was told the things that really give you happiness in life, and what was told to me was the exact truth. But im void of that thing at the moment. . . Not fully void but not fully complete either. And so i understand what was told to me. Back to my first thought . . . Im trying to fill the void but it wont give back. How is this possible? They say i get what i give. . . But my dear, you get a lot and give shit. Maybe you should not lie to me, its not nice. In the meantime. . . 48 hours is all i can think.