I had lunch with my ex-secretary today, whom I adore. The topic of conversation was work, and the myriad of bullshit that has polluted both of our work environments. It was not by choice that she be stripped of her super powers to help me. It was a decision made by others.... and I question every bit of it. I really do think I need to start kick boxing or, well, just boxing, classes. I really think that would help get the frustration out, properly.
I spoke to my sister the other day and, as all older sisters do, she had some very wise words for me, "you can't help who you have feelings for." Of course. It makes so much sense when someone else tells you. But what if it feels more like the plague rather than a nice warm apple-pie feeling? Apple pie does sound good right now. A lot of things sound good right now....
There is something that I wish would just happen right NOW, but, unfortunately, I have zero control over it. I know my spirits would be lifted like the flip-of-a-switch if this happened. I kid you not - that is all it would take. And yet here I stand, still void of anything and quite numb. You ever get into those situations where you want it so bad but you can't even touch it and so you feel like kicking and screaming until someone hears you?? Well, that is what is going on in my head. I am screaming out loud.... and not being heard. It's AWESOME.
I would give anything to be in Telluride right now. It's the perfect place for me, especially right now. I need the tranquility, the beauty, the ability to de-stress myself. Fuck... I can't tell you how stuck I feel.
And the one thing, the ONE thing that could make me happy, is out of my reach and out of my control and god dammit it fucking hurts. One of these days I'll write a happy blog...
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