Giving in

There are kids screaming down my apartment hallway. That makes my dogs bark. It then furthers my exhaustion to tell them to chill out. When the only thing i want to do is relax, and read. And even in a relaxed state, i still cannot focus. The things racing through my mind i have shared with no one. And im not even sure i could. I feel if i shared it, everyone and the world would say. . . Told ya so. But i tell myself that and still get myself into this situation. And its not new. Not new at all. Its drowning me like it did before. I want to cry and scream and punch. And the one thing i know could stop the drowning is no where to be seen and it hurts. I want to shake it off and forget everything but im terribly afraid that every scent thought sound. . . Reminds me of it all. The big city is looking like a great place to escape to . . Maybe. Or the one thing that could lift me up, would actually show itself to me.